Often times when we mention the word relationship, the expectation is a love relationship between a lady and a guy. While this column might pay some attention to that kind of relationship because of the many issues that spring from it, we will be looking at it from a broad perspective in this edition. Everyone in a relationship usually has certain attributes or qualities they are looking for. A relationship could be in different forms as parent-child, friendship (age peers, older to younger), siblings, co-workers, employer-employee etc. Whatever form it is, it is usually defined by different events and circumstances which maybe natural, contractual or chance.
Everyone in a relationship has some expectation from the relationship considering an input he or she also brings into and this is irrespective of the form, type or circumstance. We have tried to make an acronym out of the word RELATIONSHIP. Each letter presents something people clamour for in a relationship. Below spells out what people usually want in a relationship.
Real- everyone wants a relationship that is real and not built on false ideas and values. One that is clear on the terms of relating. You know what you are bringing in and taking from it. A relationship that is without false hopes and lies lurking around and bringing deceits. The best thing you can do for yourself and a friend at anytime is to be real, it makes you free.
Expression- we all want to be able to express ourselves at different times and we also want to be in a relationship that the parties are expressive and do not buckle up issues which lead to unpleasant reactions. Whatever the kind of relationship be expressive (not to a fault) because it will keep it actively working. In expressing yourself always make sure you choose the right words, actions and time to do it so that you are not misunderstood.
Love- this is the bedrock of any relationship and it is the most misunderstood concept. We all need to love and be loved. We all react to love in one way or the other and have a strong desire for it. Love is beyond what you express to the opposite (or same) sex for intimacy. Love is an expression that is free of selfishness. Love prefers other above self and wants nothing in return. The best expression of love ever displayed is the offering of Jesus as a sacrifice for you and I. 1Jhn 4v10 is clear on it and by it we know that we can love appropriately when we have embraced that love.
Accountable- every relationship demands that we are accountable to one another. Most times we want to be accountable to people we can trust will give us the best advice and vice-versa. Even though the human is wired to want freedom, he also wants to be accountable. This is why we seek mentors, close friends and lovers.
Timeless- nobody wants anything good to end. An employer would want that extra-ordinary employee to be with him for as long forever even when the employee has grown bigger than the organisation. We all want relationships that will stand the test of time, lasting forever but it is not usually guaranteed. There are moments when we wish momentary experiences of a relationship we are having should last forever especially when we are enjoying the success of being together. The only security for a life together after death is to be on the same side. Heaven or Hell?
Interesting- it is natural that interesting people attract others to themselves. Invariably we want to have interesting people surrounding us. Interest may vary depending on personalities that may be involved. What might be interesting to one might not be to another so we need to be careful not to assume that loud and funny is the same as interesting.
Ownership- often times ladies want to prove or show that they are the one aboard in a relationship. They want ownership of their man and find it difficult to let the guy out of their sight. This is always choking and can be considered to be insecurity. If something belongs to you then its all yours, anybody using time with it is borrowing time. Ownership in a relationship should not make anybody uncomfortable but should bring assurance and security.
Needs- relationships helps to meet our needs and because of that people actually look for relationships that will meet every of their need and down play on one that does not seem to be beneficial to them. The basis of relationships should not be to meet just our own needs. Every relationship should mutually benefit everyone in it.
Sound Judgment- making decisions is part of our everyday life. Good decisions will always likely take us to positions of honor. This is why being in relationships with people who can help make sound judgments and decisions on varying issues of life is important to people. It is always a wise decision to keep a company of people who will be there to give us godly counsels. It will keep us from falling.
Hardworking- even the laziest of men wants a hardworking man as a friend. A criterion for friendship is usually how hardworking the other person is. A hardworking man / woman will likely find favor in the sight of men. It should be note that there is a thin line between being busy and being in business. So be careful to know when a hard worker is just busy or actively in business.
Intimacy- building intimate relationships over a period of time is what is desired but it sometimes elude us. The mistake that people usually make is to assume that it must be there from the beginning. The best way to build intimacy in any relationship is to let it grow. Growth will require some cultivating, weeding, transplanting and harvesting. It is a process that requires diligence and patience.
Presence- much more than presents, we need the presence of people we love in our lives. Presence goes a long way. It is a great gift one can be blessed with at any time. The demise of a loved one will expose us to the reality of what it is to have someone present with us. God blessed us with His presence through the gift of the Holy Spirit.
As interesting and thoughtful as the acronym appears, we should bear in mind that we may never find all of it at a particular time in a relationship. It is also important to know that God is interested in every relationship that we have with other people. There are instructions and cautions in the Bible that calls attention to our conduct in any relationship. The most commonly remembered is “ love your neighbor as thy self” (Mar 12:31). This implies that God wants us to have good and respectable relationships with one another.
Often times we forget the first of the Ten Commandments that says “Mar 12:30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” This is the first commandment.”. It means we should love God with everything we have and can ever be. It shows God deserves to be loved. “ if you can love God whom you do not see, then you will love your neighbor.
An important point to note then is that our conduct and influence in any relationship we enter into or have found ourselves should be defined by God’s love. God’s love can constrain anybody to that point of living right and making the best decisions in any kind of relationship. This is why scriptures talk about- imitating Christ as dear children; if God so loved us then we ought to love one another (1Jhn4:10-11).” the point to start for any good relationship is to be submitted to God, appreciating His love for you and me through Jesus Christ. If He could offer His only son as a sacrifice on the cross so that you will have the opportunity to be a member of His family then you also should count it a privilege to express the same love to others. If you are forgiven you must forgive, if you have been blessed you must bless, if you have been delivered from your burdens then do not lay burdens on others, if He has honored you then honor others, if He has trusted you then trust others, if you have been loved then you must love. You may end up being hurt sometimes when people abuse your obedience to God but remember you have also made mistakes with him also. His strength is perfect in all of this. Be a love child and make sure you love that neighbor as God as loved you.