The task of parenting as never just thrust upon you. At the very worst, the nine-month incubation period is notice enough for the mental preparation that becoming a parent is on the near horizon. When the moment of reality comes however, nothing can really ever prepare you for what happens – the rush of emotions of joy, apprehension, helplessness, responsibility – you are simply overwhelmed by the flurry. Somewhere in the heat of that moment also, somewhere at the back of your mind, you start to get this feeling that your life is about to change forever. But it never fully hits you until you take the child back to your home – a place that was once very familiar and you realize the need to modify so much to suit this new addition, this ever so demanding little being who seems to fill every place and take over every minute of your time. Suddenly whining cries snatch precious hours of sleep from your eyes and if you are mother to this being, she seems to hang on you every second of the day – meals that should be finished in minutes stretch into hour-long marathons interrupted by frequent breaks to attend to the new dictator. As each minute passes you become more and more aware of the unimaginable scale to which your life has changed and will still change. Nothing could have prepared you for this really.
Each stage of this child’s development comes with a different challenge or challenges that draw on different resources from you financially, emotionally, intellectually. Sometimes you fear where to find the resources to deal with these challenges and you think to yourself that you did not bargain for all this responsibility, the greatest of which is the burden of the awareness that you have capability to make or mare this little life. Really? Yes, the words you say, your every action, your response to situations and questions are largely what will make this person who he will be. No, you certainly did not bargain for this part of the deal. It seems all too much and at very many moments you wish you could reverse things but that one split chance has gone and you will need to wait for another.
Just in case you are beginning to feel overwhelmed, relax. The heart of what you read is not to scare you but to let you know that being a parent requires responsibility on your part. It is not a natural process that suddenly drops on you or that can think about “when you get to that bridge”. Rather, it is important to realize that it is a lifelong task of being responsible for the upkeep, training and outcome of another human life and it requires preparation. It is a duty for which account will be given to God and therefore, even if you didn’t exactly plan to become a parent at the time you did, you have nine months to prepare yourself for this task.
The most important rule to follow as a parent is that you cannot give what you do not have. This child will follow your life more than your instructions, and so your most critical tool is a life lived by the dictates of God’s word. Becoming a parent is another opportunity given to us by God to evaluate the essence of our lives and to ask ourselves what our convictions really are. What drives you? What is the doctrine of your life? What legacy will you pass on to this lifelong student of yours? This is the essence of the duty you have received from God “…bring up your child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4b, paraphrase). What will be important in the end is not how well you catered to the material needs of this child or how much of life or culture you were able to expose your child to, or even how much of good manners you were able to impart. The real question will be how much of godly principles you were able to pass across. How well does your child know the person of God and have you been able to lead this child to a personal relationship with the saviour? How well did you turn his eyes away from friendship with the world, which scriptures say is enmity with God, and away from dependency on the material or physical, to faith in God and a consciousness of the heavenly?
Our preparation to answer these questions should start long before we bring children into our lives. If as parents we successfully achieve those goals, we would have fulfilled our God-given obligation to our precious little gifts.